The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

these are the things that are like nats in your ear, or a constent itch that you cant ever scratch i have many too many for my own comfort but i choose to ignore them which in turn end up causing me a break down once all the shit has piled and cannot pile anymore. it drives me crazy everything is getting on my nerves things that are happening at home,and people that i hate to see hear or think of, all this drama that i dont really care for becouse its soo fucking childish god will people ever grow the fuck up realize that they are fucked up and go away??? why is that so hard for people to comprehend? i have some thought on how to fix all of these problems but i dont think that i should speak them i think ill leave them as thoughts and mind my own like i have been and stay stress free because its retarded for me to get worked up over things i cant fix at the time





just me venting and writting some shit :)

things have been going very well for me i have a job getting a second pretty soon finishing school and getting my license so all in all i think im doing pretty well. i miss my family and friends but ill be with them soon and im looking forward to it im working everyday to make my sons life better i want the best for him and will not settle until i have it he and his daddy mean everything to me. i love talking to everyone and seeing how things are sometimes i am sad because things are hard and not always going well but most of the time everythings always fine so im normaly happy after i talk to everyone. i speak with the daddy everyday which makes me feel good to hear his voice i miss him very much and cant wait to see him but hes worth the wait and so is my son so im doing what i have to until i get to see them both :) but anyhoo just thought id write a little bit ill probably write more tomorow or later today :)

i just went to have my ultrasound today and they told me that i was having A BOY!!!!! he is 11 ounces they said that i was 19 weeks and 3 days and the baby should be born in april but i think ill be in on my birthday i just wanted to share my exciting news with everybody :)

i wanted to explain my last entry "this was not my plan" i was upset when i was writting it and i was just venting in no way am i not happy with how things are i can still do everything i wanted i just have to wait and im fine with that i love my baby and i love my life things may get hard but oh well i always manage to be ok and things always turn out for the best i just felt the need to explain it so for those of you who may have gotten the wrong impression now you know that it was just a bad day and im fine now

i remember when i had a plan for my life , i remember that i wanted to be somebody and be something great i always grew up in small towns and i was always different i wanted something better something bigger i never settled for the little things and now that ive gotten older thats all i do is settle for the little things i wanted to model and i got into to a good agency out of new york i cant do it becouse i dont have the money to do it after that i wanted to sing it was another thing that i was good at and now i cant do that either becouse i have to put my dreams on hold becouse of my unborn child that is growing inside of me and dont get me wrong in no way do i blame things on me getting pregnant im very happy to be a mom but i am afraid that i will not be good enough i have nothing no money ,no job yet the only thing i do for money is work one night a week with my mother and i get 50 bucks an i cant start that until november becouse thats when her other help is leaving but shes finding more which will again get in my way of making money its not a great job its kareokee i get to sing which is about the only fun i have. i remember when i moved down to VA i wanted a better life i thought i could have one becouse it was bigger and nobody knew me well i met great people i moved in with them we lost the house i got kicked out of my dads and now im back in a small town yet again with my mother i feel that i have failed in some ways and gained in others i gained friendship and my child i lost everything that could have made me great i feel very alone and i hate that i have nothing the only thing i have to call mine is my child and i geuss thats good enough for me but again that wasnt part of my plan i intended on having someone who loved me and who i was either engaged to or already married to by the time i got pregnant and that didnt happen instead i left the guy that loved me moved down to VA and got into a world of something i dont even know a word for it but i have figuered out that you cant always plan what you want becouse chances are your not going to get it and if you do its not how you planed my babys fauther is a great man but we are close friends i know he loves me and cares but sometimes it doesnt feel like enough i wanted a family i wanted something better than what i had but like i said you cant always plan it just doesnt turn out